


Kitty/Kat

by Rag



Series: trash ship week [5]
Category: New Mutants, X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: F/F, Ficlet, Friendship, Lack of Communication, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 18:18:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11652048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rag/pseuds/Rag
Summary: Kitty takes Illyana to the mall.





	Kitty/Kat

**Author's Note:**

> i tried to pull up some comics to make this more compliant but i couldnt find any and my collection is in another state ;o;
> 
> trash ship week day 5: keeping secrets
> 
> (this isn't really a trash ship but they're both keeping secrets and i wanted to write them)

Kitty takes you the mall.

Kitty takes you to a lot of places. She calls you when you don’t want to get out of bed and tells you to get your ass in gear because she has _plans_ and they involve you and scoping out every cute boy in the city, and Illyana you _have_ to wear something with even a little bit of color or they’re going to think you’re a goth. I mean, at least, if you’re a goth, you gotta _commit_ to it, but come on, you’re not a goth. Come on, I’ll be there in ten minutes, get ready.

You’ve been out of Limbo for a few months now. You didn’t want to like Kitty when you first met her. It was painful to talk to her. It’s painful to talk to most of them. They’re so similar, but they’re different, and you feel the history (history that dies with you, you’re never telling any of them) between you like the fucking Great Wall, can be seen from space. But you gave up pretty quickly with Kitty, because she’s impossible _not_ to like.

So Kitty takes you to the mall.

You’re happy to dive into culture and movies and boys. The world fucking sucks and you’re happy to blend in for even half a minute and lose yourself in the bubbly shit that so many humans happily drown in. You know Kitty is doing the same thing. Kitty knows how much the world hates her, and you, and all your friends. So when she brings you into it, you can let yourself get lost in it, because she’s not just pushing something fake on you. You’re escaping together.

That’s what you tell yourself. You don’t tell her.

The two of you go into a clothing store where the clothes are tolerable. Not exactly your style, but you guess you should try to blend in more than you’ve been doing. You’ve been wearing your brother’s shirts and Kitty’s pants and it works but, yeah, you could go for something that’s more you and less them.

(Honestly, it’s hard to care sometimes. In Limbo, you wore the rags until you wore the too-skimpy dresses that Belasco gave you. You had to stop caring then, because you had bigger problems, and focusing on that would have been ridiculous. But you know you have to move on. You have to care about this. You have to get with it. This is your life now. Limbo is behind you. Belasco is gone. Sym is under your control. You have to move on.)

You hear Kitty gasp in that over-enthusiastic way of hers.

“Oh my god, Illyana, please. Please, please, _please_ tell me you’ll wear this.”

She shows you a shirt, pink and yellow and white, but you have trouble focusing on it.

_Please._

Your Kat begged for death after Belasco warped the humanity from her form. Your Kat seemed to thank you with her too-feline eyes as you gave it to her. Sometimes, when you touch Kitty, when you hug her or rub her shoulders, you feel Kat’s throbbing pulse getting weaker as you choked the life from her. You hear the rasping clicks of breaths she couldn’t take. She didn’t fight it. As animal as she was, she didn’t fight you as you killed her. You tell yourself that means the two of you knew. You aren’t convinced. 

You killed her. You burned her body with flames that you conjured and you scattered her ashes across the meadow that was blackened with your failed acorns. You failed, because you’re corrupted.

You don’t create life. You end it. You were stupid for entertaining any ideas to the contrary. You were stupid for letting Ororo’s hope infect you for even a minute. You always were a stupid girl.

“Illyana?”

Kitty, now, in front of you. Looking concerned, because you’ve just blitzed off to (literal!) hell in the middle of a conversation.

“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking about something stupid.” You force yourself to smile a bit too wide. “Hand it over.”

You grab it from her. She laughs uneasily. You don’t know if she’s buying it.

She’s probably not buying it. She’s not stupid. But you can’t tell her.

How could you ever tell her something like that?

You can’t tell her.

You have to move on. You keep that smile on your face and tell her the shirt looks sick, and go to try it on.


End file.
